Diary of a Soul

There are sounds echoing throughout the expanse which shelters this wounded Soul
Eerily imitating the haunted voices of them who are the Knaves that caused pain
Those voices that dragged this Soul to a state of being and nothingness
A state of contradiction which led this Soul to seek discernment.

Fear - the first hurdle to overcome and it will always be present
For every place Soul went to, there will always be those voices.
Fear is constant.
It will unceasingly haunt Soul.

But for Fear to be present, there should always be a cause.
In this Soul’s case, it was the Pain that caused Fear.
And Pain was caused by Dishonesty and Distrust
And with them came Anger.

I am Soul and I am Lost.
This is the pursuit on finding my way.

I am aimlessly wandering around, without any idea of what I am to do in Life. I have only had a short time in this Life, and yet, I’ve grown to be tired of it already. In such a short time, so many events have happened - those painful occasions in which I yearned and even sought the easiest way out. Yet I have not done so, and will never do so.

I am afraid - of Life, and of the things to come. But why do I feel such Fear? This certain Fear caused by the knaves around me. Those whispers, those evil glances, and those dishonest and hurtful words spread around. All of these caused Pain and so much suffering. I do not fear those actions done by them – those knaves. Instead, I Fear the hurt that was caused by them - a hurt that can only be caused by the ones closest to the Heart. A hurt that has made me feel so alone, helpless and misunderstood. But now I triumph over this since Fear has now become my Friend. Fear becomes a Friend only when you realize that there is no use in Fearing, and that it is only a state of mind.

I have overcome Fear and Pain, yet there are still some more. There are too many lies – too many dishonest people in the world these days. I get so sick and tired of trying to discern the Truth and the reason why they should corrupt the truth. Such falseness of words and information spreading around, and bathing the air with its stench. It is bad enough that the air is soiled, and yet, must the people breathing in the air be corrupted too? I have had enough of lies and deception – this complete distortion of facts.

Yes, I have had heard too many lies, and so it must be that I learn to Distrust. To Distrust is to suspect that someone is Dishonest; it is a mere suspicion. Yet, why do we lack confidence in what is relayed to us? We lack confidence because we Fear of being hurt and fooled again. As Fear is already my Friend, Distrust should not be an issue. But if it is not an issue, why am I so bothered? In my case, it is not an issue of Distrust - it is always an issue of Pain, or of being torn between hurt and Anger.

So, here comes Anger - the roughest path in his journey. I cannot define anger for I will not dare to delve into the deepest emotional states and bring Anger to its surface. I see Anger a boar – fearsome, thick-skinned, and ugly. As years pass by, its skin and its bristles will keep on growing thicker until it will be impossible to penetrate, so now, as it is still penetrable, I would like to skin the boar. Deep inside is just a little pink ball that I would throw into the cliff. Letting go of this anger will be easy. Just imagine popping a tiny bubble.

As far as I am concerned, God made my life. Passion reigns it. Faith guides it. Love satisfies it.

Ab Imo Pectore, Dixi.